I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
