so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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