They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
