Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
