so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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