Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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