Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
