she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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