Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now