You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize