That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
