i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
