Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize