He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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