Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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