we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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