So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Holy shit dude........stairs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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