I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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