u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
