I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
