i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
