We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
