I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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