idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
