How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
