I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dear god my vagina.
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