We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
