No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
