his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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