I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
