there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
