then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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