yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
