glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
