you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
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I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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