Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
