Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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