as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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