I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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