She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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