your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
