We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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