Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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