Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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