theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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