we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
