i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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