I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The convent might be a nice break from real life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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