I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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