i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
