all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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