i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
