And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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