I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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