Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your cock deserves a montage
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
