I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
