All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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