was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i think i just lost a toe
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
