What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
