really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
