I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
