Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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