who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
