I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Shame is for Republicans.
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