last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
