Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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